Thursday, August 25, 2011

note to self

I was reading a charming letter from someone to their unborn self this morning on HelloGiggles: , and it made me think of all the things I wish I could tell my past self. Not necessarily my unborn self, but just me throughout my life. Now this is tricky because I know better than to erase/avoid all my bad memories... many of them have taught me about life and myself, but there are a few of life's little lessons I could do without- the lessons where you wake up and think that some power out there is throwing you down and laughing at you for the pure sake of entertainment value.

1) When someone says they're scared of something... they mean it. This does not mean it's a good idea when you're 7 years old to put fake rubber snakes around the house on April Fools Day to scare your mum. She will NOT appreciate the humor and you will regret it every year after that. You will not like it when the tables are turned on you either. For example, when your boyfriend dresses up as a Clown Zombie Tickle Monster. This will terrify you but will serve the purpose of teaching him this very same lesson when you have a physical response to your fear and punch him in the face. Hey, at least you know that in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, you won't be paralyzed by your fear.

2) You haven't met him yet, but when you meet a boy named Tim*, he will break your heart. Multiple times. Actually... scratch that. Is there any way #2 can be delivered to you by means of flying pig after the first time y'all break up? I wouldn't want to take away your most important lesson in relationships. The flying pig of course is representative for the chances of a normal, healthy relationship with this particular person. I'm sure you wouldn't listen anyways... How many times did you date this guy? 4? And he was a terrible boyfriend each time and caused you nothing but pain? Good. You're a smart one. Stop believing it will be different the next time. It won't. Reliving that pain isn't healthy. Getting over it will help you form healthier, happier, less tumultuous relationships. Burn your pictures and notes of/from him earlier, and delete his number faster! OH and don't answer when he calls you every New Year's Eve... it will ruin even the best of parties!!.jpeg

3) Spend more time with your friends. Don't flake on them when you have a boyfriend. Always make sure that you set aside time for just your friends sans whichever particular heart throb is on your arm at the time. Apologize when you forget this rule and do the opposite. It might not be a life/death situation, but it will certainly alleviate a lot of guilt when it is.

Also, keep in touch with your long distance friends. They're worth it. With facebook and email this will be easy though. Just let them know you're thinking about them!

4) Always send handwritten notes. Send thank you cards for job interviews and parties. Send birthday cards, sympathy cards, congratulations cards, postcards. Really any card works! People appreciate knowing you think of them and this helps keep long distance friends and family members close. In the case of family members that you do not want to keep close, use the same tactic... just send MORE and looooonnnnnggggg newsletters about yourself. They will know so much about you that they won't feel the need to call that often ;)

Newsletters are also acceptable around the holidays, but only if their intent is silliness. In 2011, Alissa Martin, your roommate, will suggest that you take a photo for a Christmas card (the two of you plus Lucy, your dog) and send out a newsletter regarding your goings on during the past year. This will be a huge undertaking, but hilarity will ensue as your roommate convinces her parents that the two of you are not lesbians with a puppy love child. The photo shoot during which you are both wearing ugly Christmas sweaters with elf ears and Lucy has reindeer antlers will also be worth it!

5) Make light of life (and your work)! You'll understand on 25th August 2011 (today)... your job is awesome and art can be silly! Life is fantastic.

6) Don't listen to everything your parents say. They are wise and you should respect them, but part of their job is to protect you and you wouldn't get where you do if you embraced every command.

7) Work your ass off. You'll sometimes wonder if it's worth it... It is.

8) Go on vacation! Oftentimes you'll need a vacation to recover from your vacation, but it'll be worth it... Be a tourist! See everything! You can sleep in the nursing home (advice from your parents that you SHOULD absolutely listen to)! Take tons of pictures so you can show your friends when you get home and it's like they went on vacation too. Get out there and experience too. Like doing the whole Vegas thing... sure, it's not necessarily a recommended lifestyle choice (your liver will put up extreme protest), but it's fun. Not remembering every detail is okay if you remember the overall fun and feeling of the evening ;) Same thing with Dublin... you're Irish! You have been programmed throughout centuries of ginger breeding to enjoy Guinness and Jameson and this will encourage the best vacation of your life with your best friend in the world. It was actually only 3 weeks ago from my standpoint and I promise... you will still be recovering/drying out a bit. WORTH IT.

9) Take a page out of your friend Sarah's book and develop characters when you sing karaoke. This way people will find you humorous and will be laughing with you rather than at you... You are not a very good singer. I'm sorry.

That's all for now. I don't want to give you too much to swallow at one time. I'm sure I'll think of more later. Good luck.


Yourself (the 2011 version)

*last name not given for identity reasons. might not even be the same first name. who knows???

Images are taken from many different sources. See the links below each image for proper credit.

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